{"id":720,"date":"2023-08-31T21:58:37","date_gmt":"2023-08-31T19:58:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/laszlo8360.com\/?p=720"},"modified":"2024-06-15T17:38:32","modified_gmt":"2024-06-15T15:38:32","slug":"2023-augusztus-31","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laszlo8360.com\/fr\/2023-augusztus-31\/","title":{"rendered":"2023 augusztus 31."},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\n\n
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August 29, 2023
I don’t know what I would be happier about. If I never saw her again, or if I could smell her every day. It’s not a question that it would be easier to be away from her. It’s enough for me to know she’s where I am, and I lose the remainder of my concentration. But if she just touches me with one finger, peace takes over.

Why is it that I remember my friends’ eyes, but not those of other dates or any other people? Another tormenting question: Whose and when do I gaze into their eyes? And why not? What’s the connection between direct eye contact and a lasting relationship?

Bea came in today (for a short while) to work. We passed by each other without a kiss. I still don’t know which is better: walking past someone or leaning in for a kiss? Or rather, I know what’s better, but I don’t know what I want. I desire her, I want her company, but I have to move on.
By the way, Bea wasn’t around during the evening shift. She reported being sick and went home. (I guess she got a ride home with someone.) Interestingly, my mood improved because of this, I became more balanced. It’s easier when she’s not nearby.
Truly agonizing is missing someone when they’re right beside you (and yet, you can’t reach them).
Now I’m worried about her. What if she’s not pretending? I think things have come together for her and she’s fed up with everything. I’ve noticed that every 28 days she has stomachaches, and on other days, she limps on her left leg. And in the past two days, when she had days off and wasn’t occupied with enough stimuli, she felt homesick. Add to this that her judge is also full of work-related things. (In this, she’s like me: gets irritated by idiots.) So, I can imagine that while she might not be sick in a medical sense, she’s not feeling well. I’m worried about her. I’d really like to write to her, I’d like to comfort her, take care of her. But this is no longer my job. That’s why I told her a while back: \u00ab\u00a0If you want, you can always find me.\u00a0\u00bb
You know, Bea, you’re like me not so long ago: you cry where no one can see.
You know, Bea, you also have the right to experience your feelings. I understand that right now it seems unimaginable, but please believe that if you embrace and express your emotions, you’ll become stronger. I’m not referring to when you talked about me and other dates to Samuel as if you thought I couldn’t understand.
The breakthrough will come when you dare to cry in public for the first time.

Today was quite an odd day. The cook’s assistant didn’t come to work this morning. I suspected it would happen when she went out on a date with the waiter boy last night. I assume she talked to the head chef last night, which is why he came into the kitchen exceptionally in the morning.
Today I ran the lunch service by myself. Well, we had one reservation. However, it was the first time for this. I’m proud of myself. And the boss was proud of me too. It was a good day (also).

Today was our new friend’s – our freshly minted colleague’s – first day. I wonder how she felt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Nem tudom minek \u00f6r\u00fcln\u00e9k Jobban. Ha soha t\u00f6bb\u00e9 nem l\u00e1tn\u00e1m vagy, ha minden nap besz\u00edvn\u00e1m az illat\u00e1t. Nem k\u00e9rd\u00e9s, hogy k\u00f6nnyebb lenne t\u00e1vol t\u0151le. El\u00e9g. ha tudom, ott van ahol \u00e9n is \u00e9s el is vesztem koncentr\u00e1ci\u00f3s k\u00e9pess\u00e9gem marad\u00e9k\u00e1t. De, ha csak egy ujjal is hozz\u00e1m \u00e9r, megsz\u00e1ll a b\u00e9kess\u00e9g.

Mi\u00e9rt van, hogy a bar\u00e1tn\u0151im szem\u00e9re eml\u00e9kszem, de m\u00e1s randikra, vagy b\u00e1rmely m\u00e1s ember szem\u00e9re nem eml\u00e9kszem. \u00dajabb k\u00ednz\u00f3 k\u00e9rd\u00e9s: Kinek \u00e9s mikor n\u00e9zek a szem\u00e9be? \u00c9s mi\u00e9rt nem? Mi az \u00f6sszef\u00fcgg\u00e9s az egyenes tekintet \u00e9s a tart\u00f3s kapcsolat k\u00f6z\u00f6tt?

Bea ma bej\u00f6tt (egy r\u00f6vid ideig) dolgozni. Elment\u00fcnk egym\u00e1s mellett puszi n\u00e9lk\u00fcl. M\u00e9g nem tudom mi a jobb: elmenni egy m\u00e1s mellett vagy odahajolni hozz\u00e1 egy puszira? vagyis, tudom mi a jobb, de nem tudom mit szeretn\u00e9k. K\u00edv\u00e1nom \u0151t, akarom a t\u00e1rsas\u00e1g\u00e1t, de musz\u00e1ly tov\u00e1bb l\u00e9pnem.
Egy\u00e9bk\u00e9nt az esti m\u0171szak alatt m\u00e1r nem volt Bea. Beteget jelentett \u00e9s haza ment. (Gondolom, valakivel haza vitette mag\u00e1t.) \u00c9rdekes m\u00f3d, ett\u0151l jobb lett a hangulatom, kiegyens\u00falyozottabb lettem. K\u00f6nnyebb, ha nincs k\u00f6zelemben.
Igaz\u00e1n k\u00ednz\u00f3 valakinek a hi\u00e1nya akkor amikor ott van mellettem (\u00e9s m\u00e9gsem \u00e9rhetek hozz\u00e1).
Most agg\u00f3dom \u00e9rte. Mi van, ha m\u00e9gsem sz\u00ednlel? \u00c9n szerintem a dolgok \u00f6ssze \u00e9rtek \u00e9s elege van mindenb\u0151l. Azt m\u00e1r megfigyeltem, hogy huszonnyolc naponta f\u00e1jlalja a has\u00e1t, am\u00fagy egy\u00e9b napokon is h\u00fazza a bal l\u00e1b\u00e1t. Meg, az elm\u00falt k\u00e9t napban szabadnapos volt \u00e9s, ha nincs el\u00e9g sok ingerrel lek\u00f6tve, akkor honv\u00e1gya van. Ehhez m\u00e9g hozz\u00e1j\u00f6n, hogy neki is tele van a b\u00edr\u00e1ja j\u00f3n\u00e9h\u00e1ny munkahelyi dologgal. (Ebben olyan, mint \u00e9n: h\u00fcly\u00e9t kap a h\u00fcly\u00e9kt\u0151l.) sz\u00f3val, el tudom k\u00e9pzelni, hogy, ha orvosi \u00e9rtelemben nem is beteg, de rosszul \u00e9rzi mag\u00e1t. Agg\u00f3dom \u00e9rte. Olyan szivesen \u00edrn\u00e9k neki, kedvem lenne megvigasztalni, gondoskodni r\u00f3la. Csakhogy, ez m\u00e1r nem az \u00e9n dolgom. Ez\u00e9rt is mondtam neki anno: \u00a0\u00bb Ha szeretn\u00e9d, b\u00e1rmikor megtal\u00e1lsz.\u00a0\u00bb
Tudod Bea, Te olyan vagy mint \u00e9n nem is olyan r\u00e9gen: ott s\u00edrsz, ahol senki sem l\u00e1t.
Tudod Bea, neked is jogod van meg\u00e9lni az \u00e9rz\u00e9seidet. \u00c9n \u00e9rtem, hogy most m\u00e9g elk\u00e9pzelhetetlennek tartod, csak fogaddnel k\u00e9rlek, ha felv\u00e1llalod \u00e9s kimondod az \u00e9rzelmeidet, akkor er\u0151ssebb leszel. Most nem arra gondolok, amikor \u00fagy besz\u00e9lt\u00e9l r\u00f3lam \u00e9s egy\u00e9b randikr\u00f3l Samuelnek, hogy azt hitted nem \u00e9rtem.
Az \u00e1tt\u00f6r\u00e9si pont az lesz, amikor el\u0151ssz\u00f6r mersz nyilv\u00e1nosan s\u00edrni.

Ma am\u00fagy fura napunk volt. A szak\u00e1cs l\u00e1ny ma d\u00e9lel\u0151tt nem j\u00f6tt be dolgozni. Sejtettem, hogy \u00edgy lesz, amikor tegnap \u00e9jjel elment a pinc\u00e9r fi\u00faval randizni Gondolom, m\u00e9g \u00e9jjel besz\u00e9lt a konyha f\u0151n\u00f6kkel, aki emiatt j\u00f6tt be kiv\u00e9telesen reggel is a konyh\u00e1ba.
Ma egyed\u00fcl vittem az d\u00e9li szerv\u00edzt. Nah j\u00f3, egy asztalfoglal\u00e1sunk volt. Viszont, most el\u0151sz\u00f6r volt ilyen. B\u00fcszke vagyok magamra. \u00c9s a f\u0151n\u00f6k is b\u00fcszke volt r\u00e1m. Ez (is) egy j\u00f3 nap volt.

Ma volt a bar\u00e1tom – \u00fajdons\u00fclt- koll\u00e9g\u00e1nk els\u0151 napja. K\u00edv\u00e1ncsi vagyok hogyan \u00e9rezte mag\u00e1t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Je ne sais pas ce que j’aimerais mieux. Si je ne pouvais plus jamais te revoir, si je pouvais respirer ton parfum chaque jour. Il ne fait aucun doute qu\u2019il serait plus facile d\u2019\u00eatre loin de lui. Assez. si je sais, c’est l\u00e0 que je perds le reste de ma capacit\u00e9 de concentration. Mais m\u00eame s\u2019il me touche du doigt, la paix m\u2019envahit.

Pourquoi est-ce que je me souviens des yeux de mes copines, mais pas des autres rendez-vous, ni des yeux de toute autre personne. Une autre question tourmentante : qui a les yeux et quand dois-je les regarder dans les yeux ? Et pourquoi pas? Quel est le lien entre le regard direct et une relation durable ?

Bea est venue (pour une courte p\u00e9riode) travailler aujourd’hui. Nous sommes partis c\u00f4te \u00e0 c\u00f4te sans nous embrasser. Je ne sais toujours pas ce qui est mieux : passer devant quelqu’un ou se pencher pour l’embrasser ? c’est-\u00e0-dire que je sais ce qui est mieux, mais je ne sais pas ce que je veux. Je le veux, je veux sa compagnie, mais je dois passer \u00e0 autre chose.
\u00c0 propos, Bea \u00e9tait partie pendant le service du soir. Il s’est d\u00e9clar\u00e9 malade et est rentr\u00e9 chez lui. (Je pense qu’il est rentr\u00e9 chez lui avec quelqu’un.) C’est une fa\u00e7on int\u00e9ressante, cela a am\u00e9lior\u00e9 mon humeur, je suis devenu plus \u00e9quilibr\u00e9. C’est plus facile quand je ne suis pas l\u00e0.
C’est vraiment douloureux de manquer quelqu’un quand il est \u00e0 c\u00f4t\u00e9 de moi (et pourtant je ne peux pas le toucher).
Je m’inqui\u00e8te pour lui maintenant. Et s’il ne faisait pas semblant ? Je pense que les choses se mettent en place et qu\u2019il en a assez de tout. J’ai d\u00e9j\u00e0 observ\u00e9 qu’il avait mal au ventre tous les vingt-huit jours, et qu’il tra\u00eenait aussi la jambe gauche les autres jours. Eh bien, il a eu un jour de cong\u00e9 ces deux derniers jours et, s’il n’est pas occup\u00e9 avec suffisamment de stimuli, il a le mal du pays. De plus, son bureau est \u00e9galement rempli de nombreuses affaires de travail. (Il est comme moi en cela : il devient stupide apr\u00e8s stupide.) donc, je peux imaginer que s’il n’est pas m\u00e9dicalement malade, il se sent mal. Je m’inqui\u00e8te pour lui. Je lui \u00e9crirais si gentiment, j’aimerais le r\u00e9conforter et prendre soin de lui. Sauf que ce n’est plus mon travail. C’est pourquoi je lui ai dit cette ann\u00e9e-l\u00e0 : \u00ab Si tu veux, tu peux me retrouver \u00e0 tout moment \u00bb.
Tu sais, B\u00e9a, tu es comme moi il n’y a pas si longtemps : tu pleures l\u00e0 o\u00f9 personne ne peut voir.
Tu sais B\u00e9a, toi aussi tu as le droit de vivre tes sentiments. Je comprends que tu penses toujours que c’est inimaginable, mais je te parie que si tu acceptes et exprimes tes sentiments, tu deviendras plus fort. Je ne veux pas dire quand tu as parl\u00e9 de moi et d’autres rendez-vous \u00e0 Samuel d’une mani\u00e8re que tu pensais que je ne comprenais pas.
Le point de rupture sera lorsque vous oserez pleurer en public pour la premi\u00e8re fois.

De toute fa\u00e7on, nous avons eu une journ\u00e9e bizarre aujourd’hui. La cuisini\u00e8re n’est pas venue travailler ce matin. J’ai devin\u00e9 que ce serait comme \u00e7a lorsque le serveur est sorti avec le gar\u00e7on hier soir. Je pense qu’il a parl\u00e9 au chef cuisinier pendant la nuit, c’est pourquoi il est venu \u00e0 la cuisine exceptionnellement le matin.
Aujourd’hui, j’ai pris le service de midi seul. Eh bien, nous avions une r\u00e9servation de table. Cependant, c’\u00e9tait la premi\u00e8re fois. Je suis fi\u00e8re de moi. Et le patron \u00e9tait fier de moi. C’\u00e9tait (aussi) une bonne journ\u00e9e.

Aujourd’hui, c’\u00e9tait le premier jour de mon ami, notre nouveau coll\u00e8gue. Je me demande comment tu t’es senti.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[36],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-720","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-naplom"],"yoast_head":"\n2023 augusztus 31. - Varga Laci<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/laszlo8360.com\/2023-augusztus-31\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"2023 augusztus 31. - 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