{"id":915,"date":"2024-01-01T15:27:29","date_gmt":"2024-01-01T13:27:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/laszlo8360.com\/?p=915"},"modified":"2024-06-09T17:45:12","modified_gmt":"2024-06-09T15:45:12","slug":"erd-2024-januar-01","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laszlo8360.com\/fr\/erd-2024-januar-01\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00c9rd, 2024. Janu\u00e1r 01."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Csal\u00e1dos sztorik \u00a0 | \u00a0 Csal\u00e1dos sztorik\u00a0 \u00a0 |\u00a0 \u00a0 Histoires de famille<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9rd, January 1, 2024<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wake up in a comfortable bed. At noon. I promise Grandma to be there in two hours. After the usual routine of shower, coffee, and a light breakfast, I use public transport in the awakening Budapest. I’m not rushing for the train; it runs every twenty minutes. \u00c9rd is the next city. Coincidentally, Napsug\u00e1r and I arrive simultaneously, but from opposite directions. Edit is waiting for us with lunch. They didn’t start lunch earlier because of us. The family patiently watches as Napsug\u00e1r and I take seconds from everything. She, because it seems a teenager has an endless energy demand, and I, because I rarely eat Hungarian home-cooked meals and I’m thoroughly enjoying it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s great to see how calm parents Edit and Istv\u00e1n are. It’s not common to witness a teenage girl openly and honestly talking to her parents with trust. Surely, not every day in their family life is as idyllic, but it’s good to see that it’s possible to raise a child this way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grandma is getting sicker. As an outsider in her life, it seems that her strength is fading as she ages. If this is the case, I accept it with regret. I don’t know what to think about her. Many family members have one or more bad memories related to her. I don’t spend much time with her; I have lunch at her place once a year. What I see is more like a snapshot, but those are perfectly normal moments. She tells a lot about many things. As she ages, she shares more and more stories. Based on what she tells, I think I understand her, but many times I shake my head; I don’t agree with her. There are so many events; you could shoot several soap opera series based on the events around her. Just think: five daughters, sixteen grandchildren, ten great-grandchildren. It’s not rare for someone to have their first child at sixteen or eighteen. For example, that’s what happened with Grandma. From this, it follows that she wasn’t prepared for raising the first child, but with the last one, routine and calmness are at work. So, family life is not simple. An interesting thing I noticed is that, over the years, there seems to be more logic in her stories. Because we often imagine older people as occasionally talking nonsense, mixing details, or forgetting others. Over the years, I’ve developed a bad habit with Grandma to not always treat what she says as a fact. In contrast, lately, whatever she says is more logical and realistic, whether it’s true or not. Even though we don’t always share the same opinion, I might understand her a bit better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take my mother, for example. What she tells about her childhood is new information (meaning it’s not confirmed by others), but not surprising. What’s strange is that the stories always start from the school-age period. The newborn and preschool periods are never mentioned. Yet, a few things would make sense if it became clear what role the orphanage played in my mother’s life and how she ended up there. I can only shade this information now by saying that at twenty, she already had two daughters and, by the age of fifty, buried two husbands and divorced two others. She did all this as a child from a once impoverished peasant family in Bukovina (now part of Romania). So, there are many questions about my mother’s past. Was she really a bad student? Did she really go to a special school? Is it true what she says about her mother? Why does she lie so much that it’s not intentional but a psychological illness? Can my mother’s story be written along the lines of ADHD principles? (This reminds me, something they find motivation in becomes genius, like cooking for her. Where they don’t find motivation, they are just stupid; for example, not understanding numbers and money.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With Grandma, we made a discovery that really is just an unfounded suspicion: her behavior shows signs of the initial symptoms of dementia. I say initial. Twenty years before the death of my other grandmother, we experienced signs that she sometimes forgot things or mixed details. I don’t understand it. Someone should really write a book about this family’s life, starting with driving the great-grandparents away from their own lands. Then, you could line up the family disagreements, the various life paths, the most diverse love stories, the upbringing of children born too early or too late one after the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9rd, 1er janvier 2024<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je me r\u00e9veille dans un lit confortable. \u00c0 midi. Je promets \u00e0 ma grand-m\u00e8re de me rendre chez elle dans deux heures. Apr\u00e8s la routine habituelle de la douche, du caf\u00e9, et d’un petit d\u00e9jeuner l\u00e9ger, – routine habituelle, je prends les transports en commun dans le Budapest qui s’\u00e9veille. Je ne cours pas pour le train; il passe toutes les vingt minutes. \u00c9rd est la prochaine ville. Par pur hasard, Napsug\u00e1r et moi arrivons simultan\u00e9ment, mais en direction oppos\u00e9e. Edit nous attend avec le d\u00e9jeuner. Ils n’ont pas commenc\u00e9 plus t\u00f4t le d\u00e9jeuner \u00e0 cause de nous. La famille regarde patiemment alors que Napsug\u00e1r et moi prenons deux fois de tout. Elle, car il semble qu’une adolescente ait une \u00e9nergie infinie, et moi, car je mange rarement des plats hongrois faits maison et j’appr\u00e9cie vraiment cela maintenant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

C’est g\u00e9nial de voir \u00e0 quel point Edit et Istv\u00e1n sont des parents calmes. On ne voit pas souvent une adolescente parler ouvertement et honn\u00eatement \u00e0 ses parents avec confiance. Bien s\u00fbr, leur vie de famille n’est pas toujours aussi idyllique, mais c’est bien de voir que c’est possible d’\u00e9lever un enfant de cette mani\u00e8re.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ma grand-m\u00e8re tombe de plus en plus malade. Pour moi, en tant qu’\u00e9tranger dans sa vie, il semble que sa force diminue avec l’\u00e2ge. Si c’est le cas, je le prends avec regret. Je ne sais pas quoi penser d’elle. Beaucoup de membres de la famille ont un ou plusieurs mauvais souvenirs la concernant. Je ne passe pas beaucoup de temps avec elle; je d\u00e9jeune chez elle une fois par an. Ce que je vois est plus comme un instantan\u00e9, mais ce sont des moments tout \u00e0 fait normaux. Elle raconte beaucoup de choses. \u00c0 mesure qu’elle vieillit, elle raconte de plus en plus d’histoires. Sur la base de ce qu’elle raconte, je pense la comprendre, mais souvent, je secoue la t\u00eate; je ne suis pas d’accord avec elle. Il y a tellement d’\u00e9v\u00e9nements; on pourrait tourner plusieurs s\u00e9ries de soap opera bas\u00e9es sur les \u00e9v\u00e9nements qui l’entourent. Pensez simplement : cinq filles, seize petits-enfants, dix arri\u00e8re-petits-enfants. Ce n’est pas rare que quelqu’un ait son premier enfant \u00e0 seize ou dix-huit ans. Par exemple, c’est ce qui s’est pass\u00e9 avec ma m\u00e8re. Il en r\u00e9sulte que pour l’\u00e9ducation du premier enfant, elle n’\u00e9tait pas du tout pr\u00eate, mais pour le dernier, la routine et le calme sont \u00e0 l’\u0153uvre. Donc, la vie familiale n’est pas simple. Une chose tr\u00e8s int\u00e9ressante que j’ai remarqu\u00e9e, c’est qu’il semble qu’au fil des ans, il y a de plus en plus de logique dans ses histoires. Parce que nous imaginons souvent les personnes \u00e2g\u00e9es comme parlant parfois n’importe comment, m\u00e9langeant des d\u00e9tails, oubliant les autres. J’ai d\u00e9velopp\u00e9 cette mauvaise habitude avec ma grand-m\u00e8re au fil des ans de ne pas toujours traiter ce qu’elle dit comme un fait. En revanche, ces derniers temps, ce qu’elle dit est plus logique et r\u00e9aliste, que ce soit vrai ou non. M\u00eame si nous n’avons pas toujours la m\u00eame opinion, je pourrais peut-\u00eatre la comprendre un peu mieux.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prenez ma m\u00e8re, par exemple. Ce qu’elle raconte sur son enfance est une nouvelle information (c’est-\u00e0-dire que sa v\u00e9racit\u00e9 n’est pas confirm\u00e9e par d’autres), mais ce n’est pas surprenant. Ce qui est \u00e9trange, c’est que les histoires commencent toujours \u00e0 la p\u00e9riode scolaire. La p\u00e9riode de nouveau-n\u00e9 et de la maternelle n’est jamais \u00e9voqu\u00e9e. Pourtant, quelques choses seraient \u00e9claircies si on comprenait enfin quel r\u00f4le le foyer pour enfants a jou\u00e9 dans la vie de ma m\u00e8re et comment elle y est arriv\u00e9e. Je ne peux nuancer ces informations qu’en disant que, \u00e0 vingt ans, elle avait d\u00e9j\u00e0 deux filles et, \u00e0 cinquante ans, elle avait enterr\u00e9 deux maris et divorc\u00e9 de deux autres. Elle a fait tout cela en tant qu’enfant d’une famille paysanne appauvrie de Bucovine (aujourd’hui partie de la Roumanie). Donc, il y a beaucoup de questions sur le pass\u00e9 de ma m\u00e8re. \u00c9tait-elle vraiment une mauvaise \u00e9l\u00e8ve ? A-t-elle vraiment fr\u00e9quent\u00e9 une \u00e9cole sp\u00e9cialis\u00e9e ? Est-il vrai ce qu’elle dit \u00e0 propos de sa m\u00e8re ? Pourquoi est-ce que son amie lui donnait la motivation ? Pourquoi ment-elle tellement que ce n’est plus intentionnel mais une maladie psychologique ? Peut-on \u00e9crire l’histoire de ma m\u00e8re selon les principes du TDAH ? (Cela me rappelle, autre chose chez eux, c’est que l\u00e0 o\u00f9 ils trouvent de la motivation, ils sont g\u00e9niaux – comme dans la cuisine pour elle. L\u00e0 o\u00f9 ils ne trouvent pas de motivation, ils sont compl\u00e8tement idiots ; par exemple, elle ne comprend rien aux chiffres et \u00e0 l’argent.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avec ma grand-m\u00e8re, nous avons fait une d\u00e9couverte qui n’est vraiment qu’une suspicion non fond\u00e9e : son comportement montre des signes des premiers sympt\u00f4mes de la d\u00e9mence. Je dis les premiers. Vingt ans avant la mort de mon autre grand-m\u00e8re, nous avons constat\u00e9 des signes qu’elle oubliait parfois des choses, qu’elle m\u00e9langeait parfois des d\u00e9tails. Je ne comprends pas. Quelqu’un devrait vraiment \u00e9crire un livre sur la vie de cette famille, en commen\u00e7ant par l’expulsion des arri\u00e8re-grands-parents de leurs propres terres. Ensuite, on pourrait encha\u00eener avec les d\u00e9saccords familiaux, les diff\u00e9rents parcours de vie, les histoires d’amour les plus diverses, l’\u00e9ducation d’enfants n\u00e9s trop t\u00f4t ou trop tard les uns apr\u00e8s les autres.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u00c9rd, 2024. Janu\u00e1r 01.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

K\u00e9nyelmes \u00e1gyban \u00e9bredek. D\u00e9lben. Nagyma\u00adm\u00e1nak kett\u0151 \u00f3r\u00e1ra \u00edg\u00e9rem magam. Zuhanyz\u00e1s, k\u00e1v\u00e9, kev\u00e9ske reggeli, –  szok\u00e1s rutin ut\u00e1n t\u00f6megk\u00f6zleked\u00e9s az \u00e9ledez\u0151 Budapesten. Vonatra nem rohanok, megy az h\u00fasz percenk\u00e9nt. \u00c9rd a k\u00f6vetkez\u0151 v\u00e1ros. Telje\u00adsen v\u00e9letlen\u00fcl Napsug\u00e1rral egyszerre \u00e9rkeze, csak ellenkez\u0151 ir\u00e1ny\u00adb\u00f3l. Edit eb\u00e9ddel v\u00e1r minket. Miattuk nem kezdt\u00e9k hamarabb az eb\u00e9det. A csal\u00e1d t\u00fcrelemmel n\u00e9zte v\u00e9gig, am\u00edg Napsug\u00e1r \u00e9s \u00e9n mindenb\u0151l k\u00e9tszer szed\u00fcnk. \u0150 az\u00e9rt, mert \u00fagy t\u0171nik egy tin\u00e9dzsernek v\u00e9gtelen az energia ig\u00e9nye, \u00e9n pedig mert magyar h\u00e1zi kosztot ritk\u00e1n eszek \u00e9s ezt most nagyon \u00e9l\u00advezem.
T\u00f6k j\u00f3 l\u00e1tni, hogy Edit \u00e9s istv\u00e1n milyen higgadt sz\u00fcl\u0151k. Nem sok olyat l\u00e1tni, ahol a tizen\u00e9ves l\u00e1ny ny\u00edltan, \u0151szinte bizalommal besz\u00e9l a sz\u00fcleivel. Biztos, hogy n\u00e1luk sem minden nap ennyire idilli, de az\u00e9rt j\u00f3 l\u00e1tni, hogy \u00edgy is lehet gyereket nevelni.
A nagymama egyre t\u00f6bbet beteg. Nekem, mint az \u00e9let\u00e9ben k\u00edv\u00fcl\u00ad\u00e1ll\u00f3k\u00e9nt \u00fagy t\u0171nik, hogy ahogy \u00f6regszik, \u00fagy fogy el az ereje. Ha ez \u00edgy van, sajn\u00e1lattal veszem tu\u00addom\u00e1sul. \u00c9n nem tudom mit kell gondolnom vele kapcsolatban. Hisz nagyon sok csal\u00e1dtagnak van vele kapcso\u00adlatban egy vagy t\u00f6bb rossz eml\u00e9ke. \u00c9n nem sok id\u0151t t\u00f6lt\u00f6k vele, \u00e9vente egyszer n\u00e1la eb\u00e9delek. Amit \u00e9n l\u00e1tok az ink\u00e1bb csak pillanatfelv\u00e9tel, de azok t\u00f6k norm\u00e1lis pillanatok. Sokat \u00e9s sok mindenr\u0151l mes\u00e9l. Ahogy id\u0151s\u00f6dik egyre t\u00f6bbet sztorizgat. Azok alapj\u00e1n, amit mes\u00e9l \u00e9n \u00e9rteni v\u00e9lem \u0151t, meg\u00e9rtem, de nagyon sokszor cs\u00f3v\u00e1lom a fejem, nem \u00e9rtek vele egyet. Sok az esem\u00e9ny, p\u00e1r szappanopera sorozatot le lehetne forgatni a k\u00f6r\u00f6tte zajl\u00f3 t\u00f6rt\u00e9n\u00e9sekb\u0151l. Csak gondoljunk bele: \u00f6t l\u00e1nya, tizenhat unok\u00e1ja, t\u00edz d\u00e9dunok\u00e1ja van. Nem ritka az olyan eset, amikor valakinek tizenhat – tizennyolc \u00e9vesen sz\u00fcletik az els\u0151 gyermeke. Mint p\u00e9ld\u00e1ul a mama eset\u00e9ben is. Ebb\u0151l az is k\u00f6vetkezik, hogy az els\u0151 gyerek felnevel\u00e9s\u00e9re m\u00e9g sehogy sem \u00e1llt k\u00e9szen, az utols\u00f3n\u00e1l meg m\u00e1r a rutin \u00e9s a higgadts\u00e1g dolgozik. Sz\u00f3val nem egyszer\u0171 a csal\u00e1di \u00e9let\u00fcnk. Egy nagyon \u00e9rdekes dolgot figyeltem meg. Nekem \u00fagy t\u0171\u00adnik, mintha az \u00e9vek sor\u00e1n egyre t\u00f6bb logika lenne a t\u00f6rt\u00e9neteiben. Mert ugye az id\u0151s embereket gyakran \u00fagy k\u00e9pzelj\u00fck el, hogy n\u00e9ha \u00f6ssze-vissza besz\u00e9lnek, kevernek r\u00e9szleteket, m\u00e1sokat meg elfelejtenek. Nagymam\u00e1n\u00e1l is kialakult az a rossz szok\u00e1som az \u00e9vek sor\u00e1n, hogy amit mond azt nem mindig kell t\u00e9nyk\u00e9nt kezelni. Ezzel szemben, ak\u00e1r val\u00f3s a sztori. ak\u00e1r nem, amiket \u00fajabban mond az egyre logikusabb, val\u00f3s\u00e1gh\u0171bb. Ett\u0151l m\u00e9g nem mindig azonos a v\u00e9lem\u00e9ny\u00fcnk, de tal\u00e1n jobban \u00e9rtem picit.
Itt van p\u00e9ld\u00e1ul any\u00e1m. Amiket mes\u00e9l a gyermekkor\u00e1r\u00f3l, azok \u00faj inform\u00e1ci\u00f3k (teh\u00e1t val\u00f3s\u00e1gtartalmuk m\u00e1sok \u00e1ltal meg nem visszaigazolt), de nem meglep\u0151ek. Ami furcsa hogy a t\u00f6rt\u00e9netek mindig az iskol\u00e1s korszakn\u00e1l kezd\u0151dnek. Az \u00fajsz\u00fcl\u00f6tt \u00e9s \u00f3vod\u00e1s korszak nem ker\u00fcl<\/p>\n\n\n\n

sz\u00f3ba. Pedig p\u00e1r dolgot megmagyar\u00e1zna ha v\u00e9gre vil\u00e1goss\u00e1 v\u00e1lna, milyen szerepet j\u00e1tszott any\u00e1m \u00e9let\u00e9ben az \u00e1rvah\u00e1z \u00e9s hogyan ker\u00fclt oda. Ezt az inf\u00f3t most csak annyival tudom \u00e1rnyalni, hogy mam\u00e1nak, h\u00fasz\u00e9vesen m\u00e1r k\u00e9t l\u00e1nya volt \u00e9s \u00f6tven \u00e9ves kor\u00e1ra k\u00e9t f\u00e9rjet eltemetett, m\u00e1sik kett\u0151t\u0151l meg elv\u00e1lt. Tette mindezt egy egykoron bukovinai, (Erd\u00e9ly ma m\u00e1r Rom\u00e1nia r\u00e9sze) elszeg\u00e9nyedett paraszt csal\u00e1d gyermekek\u00e9nt. Sz\u00f3val any\u00e1m m\u00faltj\u00e1val kapcsolatban sok a k\u00e9rd\u00e9s. Val\u00f3banrossz tanul\u00f3 volt? Val\u00f3ban kiseg\u00edt\u0151 iskol\u00e1ba j\u00e1rt? Igaz az,  az anyj\u00e1t\u00f3l? Mi\u00e9rt van, hogy a bar\u00e1tn\u0151 adta a motiv\u00e1ci\u00f3t? Mi\u00e9rt hazudik annyit, hogy az m\u00e1r nem is sz\u00e1nd\u00e9koss\u00e1g, hanem pszichikai betegs\u00e9g? Vajon any\u00e1m t\u00f6rt\u00e9net\u00e9t le lehet e \u00edrni az ADHD elvei ment\u00e9n? (Ez az\u00e9rt jut eszembe, m\u00e1st n\u00e1luk igaz, hogy amiben motiv\u00e1ci\u00f3t tal\u00e1lnak abban zsenik – mint n\u00e1la a f\u0151z\u00e9s. Ahol meg nem tal\u00e1lnak motiv\u00e1ci\u00f3t, ott meg t\u00f6k h\u00fcly\u00e9k; pld\u00e1ul, nem \u00e9rt a sz\u00e1mokhoz \u00e9s a p\u00e9nzhez.)
Nagymam\u00e1val lett egy felfedez\u00e9s\u00e9s\u00fcnk, ami t\u00e9nyleg csak egy megalapozatlan sejt\u00e9s: olyan a viselked\u00e9se, ami alapj\u00e1n azt is lehetne mondani, hogy a demencia kezdeti t\u00fcne\u00adteit mutatja. Mondom kezdeti. A m\u00e1sik nagymam\u00e1mn\u00e1l a hal\u00e1la el\u0151tt h\u00fasz \u00e9vvel tapasztaltunk olyan jeleket, hogy n\u00e9ha elfelejt dolgokat, n\u00e9ha \u00f6sszekever t\u00f6rt\u00e9net r\u00e9szleteket. Nem \u00e9rtem. Egyszer t\u00e9nyleg k\u00f6nyvet kellene \u00edrni ennek a csal\u00e1dnak az \u00e9let\u00e9r\u0151l ami ott kezd\u0151dik, hogy a d\u00e9d sz\u00fcl\u0151ket el\u00fcld\u00f6zt\u00e9k a saj\u00e1t f\u00f6ldjeikr\u0151l, azt\u00e1n sz\u00e9pen lehetne egym\u00e1s ut\u00e1n rakni a csal\u00e1di n\u00e9zetelt\u00e9r\u00e9seket, a k\u00fcl\u00f6nf\u00e9le \u00e9letutakat, a legv\u00e1ltozatosabb szerel\u00admi sztorikat, a t\u00fal kor\u00e1n \u00e9s a t\u00fal k\u00e9s\u0151n sz\u00fcletett gyermekek feln\u00f6v\u00e9seit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Csal\u00e1dos sztorik \u00a0 | \u00a0 Csal\u00e1dos sztorik\u00a0 \u00a0 |\u00a0 \u00a0 Histoires de famille<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-915","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-naplom"],"yoast_head":"\n\u00c9rd, 2024. Janu\u00e1r 01. - Varga Laci<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/laszlo8360.com\/erd-2024-januar-01\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u00c9rd, 2024. 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